I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
