Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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