Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's the barista slut.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
