My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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