you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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