Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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