i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
