I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
