I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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