the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
