I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
