Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
