Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
