How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
