Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
