He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
