i just wanna soil my oats bro
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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