I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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