he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
