So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
