we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
