Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
