Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
