i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
