Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
