I seem to have left my pride at pride
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
