you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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