i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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