Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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