the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
