My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
