Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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