his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
