We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
