I can text with my tongue
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
