Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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