Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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