i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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