Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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