i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
