OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
