When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
