I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
