so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
