Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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