capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize