I will die if light touches me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
