i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
