I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
