Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i already hear my dad disowning me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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