I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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