I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cannot find my penis.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
