Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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