Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
