she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
