And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have to summon your inner elephant
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
