i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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