how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum