Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush