i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My ass is underappreciated
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.