I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
