I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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