i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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